Blogging became a nightmare for me about a year ago. At first, I was plodding along, just fine, then it happened. Maybe I should be snarky in my blog. Then maybe I will make a list of top 10 anything to do things. I listened to all of the how to’s on blogging and forgot why I was blogging in the first place. Originally I did it because I wanted to share my story of going from sheer depression and in a bad relationship to how happy I was to have left that relationship, got married and was then pregnant! But for some reason I was interested in listening to other people’s teachings because I didn’t trust myself. That’s okay. All of this is new and I’m not going to punish myself.
So, now what do I write about? The thing is, that’s tough, because everyday I have new interests and sometimes I stayed fixated on one thing. I don’t know why my blog can’t reflect that. So much has changed in the past 5 years. Where do I go from now and why am I not writing about it? I love to write.
I also love to act, but after having a baby I had to admit that acting is not in the cards for me right now. I want to be a part of Cora’s life and I want to be a part of it every single day! If I start acting again, the weight of what an actor does every single day is too much for me to handle right now. My priorities have shifted and I need to honor that. I need to accept that we are staying in Southern California and I also need to accept that I dreamed my whole life of moving to LA or NYC for acting and now I live in LA and I’m not an actor and sometimes that’s really hard and very weird. I often feel like, what am I doing here? I want to be closer to the rest of my family. There are so many wonderful things about Los Angeles and I know this is home but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss the people who raised me.
In the end, I need to do what’s right for me. YouTube and the Blogosphere have turned into big business. Huge business! I still love both immensely. I want to be a part of both mediums. I also know that I have to interact with all of social media in order to get people to even read my blogs or watch my videos. But I’m done giving into the how to’s and what’s what of blogging and vlogging. I want to be me.
So, today I begin a new chapter. I am now happily married with a toddler and I need to figure out what I will do for a career. Once upon a time I was ride or die for acting. I swore I didn’t have an end date or an if it doesn’t happen then… But today, I had to take a deep breath and realize, my priorities are different. I love my sticky baby and could care less if my eyebrows are done or if my wardrobe has enough “mom” pieces in it for auditions. FYI, Hollywood totally has the “mom” look as a stereotypical cardigan with a button up blouse, you know that outfit that no mom really wears. In Hollywood, not only are we pristine and buttoned up once we become moms but we are also written very poorly and I hope this blog and my vlog will point out how moms really are. We are amazing creatures, whether we work or stay home with the kids. We do what we have to do and you cannot put us in boxes because trust me, as a mom, I know our boxes change every single day.
If you are ready for something new, I will post here daily and will be vlogging on my YouTube channel every Tuesday – Saturday with a new video going up by 11am. Please join me as I learn to navigate the world by finding a new career and how I plan on getting my body back in shape!
This is me. Raw and unfiltered.